Who signed your passport?





I was reading in the paper this morning that Gamil Elsayed was taken to the hospital from his prison cell due to problems in his blood pressure. Then, it occurred to me that last time I renewed my passport he signed it. And indeed I could see his signature on my very ID, my identity… my passport right now!

And the question arises: do these people from the murderous political arena in Lebanon leave their marks on our identity? They sure did on our identity cards!

During the last two years, I did not partake in any of what was happening in Lebanon. I read the papers, sometimes I formed opinions… but I mostly stayed neutral if not even blasé about it all (“nothing new, it’s the same over and over…”)

But now I wonder, are we to go through this political turmoil intact, revitalized, like strong-headed revolutionaries after a war? For how long do we endure their influence on our identity without being affected? So no more Syrians (?); but Americans and French again? Israelis? Or are we finally alone? Then who’s signing our passports?! I know that you think of me now as the epitome of post war Arabism… and that you yourself are above this, you’re decisive opinionated and could take over the world with your nationalism… but are you? and me, was this last year of events my undoing? Will I always look at my passport and see their names?

I had a Palestinian friend in Beirut. She always had a Hanzalah pendant. Hanzalah with his back turned on all of “them”. They killed Naji Al Ali, but they could never kill Hazalah too, she used to think.

How much this small sketch of a kid, his back turned, describes me today. How much I missed her, and would like to tell her now that I understand, that now I understand.

Today I am Hanzalah…